Sometimes this all seems so surreal. I walk back through my memories of the last five months and wonder if it all really happened. I miss my girl.

I miss my sweet baby girl. I miss the feel of her in my arms. The weight of her. She was a pure delight and our family seems always to be missing someone now. I remember this day. We were all together after church and we wanted to play a game but Gigi and I were organizing her closet before we got started because her shoes were such a mess. Eleanor would just sit with us still, because she hadn't yet got to the point where she was grabbing everything. Her cheeks were puffy like marshmallows and I used to mouth them and it tickled her and she would smile.

Where to Begin?

I never know where to begin when I have let things go. And now more than ever. So I will begin where we are and work backwards I suppose. Any other way is just too overwhelming.

I spoke in church today. Dirk was called to the bishopric so I have him to thank for that. It has been years since I spoke in church and today was especially difficult with all we have been through in the last five months. But I think it went okay. I cried more than I like to, but what are you gonna do?

The house plans roll forward. I cannot believe how long it takes to design a home.

Summer is winding down. The best part of summer was swim team. I found I really needed the structure and socialization of it every day. And the kids did amazingly. Isaac and Gigi are at a point where they are winning races and it is very exciting. This was Brody's first year swimming and the poor kid appeared to be drowning all summer and actually got slower during the later meets. But at finals he dropped five seconds off his freestyle time and more than seven off his backstroke! I was so proud of all of them. Here is a photo of Gigi and friends from their luau-themed meet.

Bathroom Remodel?

Even though we have two bathrooms upstairs, the kids always, always use ours for everything. So, I naturally think it is a great idea to remodel theirs since no one is using it anyway. Dirk was not enthusiastic about this idea, but he always gets on board eventually, so I still think I am going to go for it. I am great at the demo, so I can at least do that myself. I can spread out the project over time a bit so that I have time to figure out each step, and so that I have time to save up money for each new part. So, while Dirk is watching Green Bay vs. Chicago, I am checking out some pictures of bathrooms I like to get an idea where I am heading with this. One thing I know I like so far: lots of tile, very little drywall.

Love this rustic stone.

Contemporary Bathroom design by Vancouver Kitchen And Bath Old World Kitchens & Custom Cabinets

Tiled arch? Yes, please! I don't know if you can see in the picture, but that whole arch reflected in the mirror, including the ceiling, is sparkling white subway tile. Did I say I was going to do this myself? I might have to call someone for the complicated stuff. Or maybe I will get a contractor's license in my spare time. Also, this would be for the master bath. Hey, there is an idea! I could do the master first and then the kids' bathroom.

Traditional Bathroom design by Atlanta Interior Designer Niki Papadopoulos

I am only posting this picture so I don't forget this cute "Wash Your Hands" sign.

Eclectic Bathroom design by Other Metros Media And Blogs Michelle Hinckley

I am obsessed with herringbone tile right now, and this looks so pretty on the floor here.

Contemporary Bathroom design by New York General Contractor Murphy Brothers Contracting

Reclaimed look vanity. Just when I think I want something that looks luxe, I see reclaimed and fall in love again. What to do?

Contemporary Bathroom design by San Francisco Interior Designer Artistic Designs for Living, Tineke Triggs

Now that's a lotta tile.

Contemporary Bathroom design by Chicago Kitchen And Bath VeDco Design Group, Inc

This looks like it could work for the master bath. I think we need a corner vanity to make the most of the space.

Traditional Bathroom design by Houston Interior Designer Carla Aston | Interior Designer

While I am on the subject of bathrooms, the main level powder room could really use a facelift. I love the mirrors in this one.

Traditional Bathroom design by Chicago Media And Blogs Kasey Buick

"When Did I Stop Being Able to Fall Asleep Anywhere?"

On our way home from the cannery with my friend Tomomi and her sweet daughter Azusa.

King's Grant East Egg Hunt and Pony Riding

Second Grade Class Field Trip -- Smithsonian Natural History Museum

Grandpa Gerald's 80th Birthday Party

For his 80th birthday, we flew Dirk's dad up to Virginia for some rowdy partyin'! I just love how a cone birthday hat transforms even the most respectable and distinguished of us into little kids again.